Dear residents of South Blackstone Ave…

By Jeffrey Bishku-Aykul

Passiveaggressivenotes.com brought this neighborhood gem to reporter Lindsay Welbers’ attention: A note taped to a wooden bulletin board, standing over a pothole lazily covered with two wooden slabs and a perpendicular concrete block, near the intersection of  59th Street and Dorchester Avenue.

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The mock letter from Mayor Emanuel, photographed on Sept. 13, takes several hilarious jabs at Chicago’s well-staffed, molasses-paced bureaucracy.

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For example:

“After several months of careful review, we have decided that a few crappy pieces of wood hastily nailed together and light enough for any curious eight year old boy to move, is sufficient to guarantee everyone’s safety.”

Or:

“Please understand that currently, various departments of the city are operating under budget cuts, including the C.D.M.C. (Chicago Department of Manhole Covers). This department is severely understaffed with only two-hundred and fifty workers to answer phones and another fifty to replace missing manhole covers.”

The letter concludes with a tongue-in-cheek appeal to  caution:

“Please take care to get used to this situation and try your best not to break your f*cking leg in the winter when the ground is covered with a foot of snow.”

Finally, a swipe at the city’s famously austere rules and regulations:

“Removing this sign or any sign bearing the City of Chicago seal, carries a penalty of two years in prison and a fine of $300,000.”

We’re just going to go ahead and assume no one was available for comment.